{Rock Bottom}

{ I have worked on this post for what seems like forever since its hard to put into words.}

Whenever I heard the word Rock Bottom I never really understood until just a few days ago. I never wanted to find out either but that is just the way the cookie crumbles. At the beginning of the year most people make New Year's resolutions and this year was no exception. I will remember the events of the day forever....It started out as any other day we had a great time celebrating New Years Eve. I went to lay in bed, Adam followed and I could tell something was up but just didn't really think anything of it. He said there is something I need to tell you and I suddenly got nervous. He said I don't know how your going to react and what is going to happen but I am willing to accept the consequences. I got really nervous then! The next words that came out of my husband hit me like a ton of bricks. He said I don't believe in God anymore, I will be removing my records from the LDS church and I am now atheist. I didn't quite know how to react and was instantly numb. In my head I was thinking is this a joke and soon found I was wrong. I was in complete shock I had not seen this coming. He handed me a packet of papers that contained his explanation and other things that he wanted everyone to know. I read it silently and I shed some tears knowing that my forever family was probably going to be no more. I don't know why but for some reason I just wanted to go to sleep in case I was dreaming. The next day (Sunday) went on as normal I was trying to avoid it and didn't want to confront my future. Monday came and at this point nobody knew and I just had to tell someone and get some advice so I called my Grandpa. I tried to keep my composure as I was telling him that basically my world was crumbling around me. By the time the conversation was over I was sobbing. How could this happen I didn't understand. I felt a million things all of which were not good. I am still in sort of a disbelief and will be for quite some time and maybe forever I suppose. There is a lot of history behind this choice that my husband made dating back to his teen years and so this is not a drastic decision based on an event or person that offended him or anything of that nature, it has been in the making for years unbeknown to me. It was based on what he can and cannot believe and how he knows the world to work. Although I do not agree with his decision and it has saddened me greatly!  He still respects Mormons and other Christians and will stand by that. I know that he is still going to be the same person in most all other ways but this will always be apart of our future and how we handle situations that are to come is still a mystery to us. We will handle them the best we can. This is a whole new lifestyle change for the Collet family one that I am making everyday. I have chosen to remain married to Adam and to love him just like I always have. It WILL not be easy to be the only spouse going to church and I have struggled with that lately. That choice has not been taken away from me nor will it ever but It has now become even hard to face since I am doing it on my own. Yes I have family that love and support me and I am so grateful I do I couldn't handle this without them. They will continue to love Adam just as they always did. I know that people can change and I hold onto hope that one day his heart may change but for now he is being who he wants and believes he is and I am doing the same. Now that we have hit rock bottom I know that the only way to go is up, because I can't take being at the bottom anymore. This is all new and emotions are still fresh and raw. It is not something that I like talking about but I needed to get my thoughts into words and this is the best place for that.